In a marriage should the spouse or the children come first?

My family dynamics teacher asked this question in class one day and the class had an argument that if the children don't come first then they will feel neglected.In a marriage should the spouse or the children come first?
it should be spouse first and then children second....unless the child is a new born. then both parties must still come together in their relationship to provide for the child.





often couples forget the love they had for each other once the kid comes or they concentrate soley on the kid that they forget about eachother and their marriage suffers.





i think there is a way to show love and care for the kids properly which will in the future better equip the kids to have HEALTHY loving relationships and friendships in their adult lives. hope this helped a littleIn a marriage should the spouse or the children come first?
Your dynamics teacher must not be married because if he or she was married he or she could have answered the question him or herself. The question is similar to what came first, the chicken or the egg. In regards to the wife or the children, its the wife first because that's who was married to the husband and not the other way around. Once the children can see mom %26amp; dad, they will not feel neglected, but they will be assured that mom and dad loves them.
The answer is not as easy as you might think. The bottom line is, the emotional needs of children and spouses are cyclical: at any given point in time, one is more needy than the other, and we need to adjust our behavior accordingly.





In general terms, however, I believe the welfare of the children must come first. I say ';welfare'; specifically because there are parents who get so emotionally wrapped up in their children that they are incapable of responding to anyone else's emotional needs. But children are children: they rely on the parent for everything in life, even as they go through adolescence (and they would die before admitting it). Their parents are the one stable source of security and affection in their lives in the face of a world that often seems bewildering and hostile to them.





By the same token, children are also naturally self-centered; they need to understand that the parents have emotional considerations outside of the children themselves. Making children aware of this does in fact give them a healthier perspective on their own place in the world, as well as their role in future relationships. But if it came down to a one-instant, you-must-choose-now decision, there's no question--the children would come first.
My husband and i love each other dearly and put each other first in our lives, but we understand that when something involves not just the two of us but our children as well....THEY come first. As parents it is our responsibility to make sure their welfare come first in every aspect of THEIR lives. having said that, having a healthy working marriage is PART of putting your children first.
People who are unmarried or do not have children can easily say ';Well, the kids come first, always. Never do anything without thinking about your kids,'; but they do not realize that the kids AUTOMATICALLY come first most of the time, there's really no choice in the matter. When my stepson is home (age 11), what I can do is greatly restricted just because he is there, even when he is not talking to me. I also can't do anything really for myself, or relax in front of the TV because generally, I am constantly setting an example for him, and I discourage excessive TV watching. I don't do it to excess anyway, I am busy cleaning and making pottery, but I don't feel that I ever have permission to be lazy when I'm around him, because that tells him it's ok to be lazy. So when I can get him out of the way for a few hours, or when he is in school, I do things for MYSELF and my SPOUSE without thinking about him, because we have precious little time without him coming first by default.
haha wow that spugie girl is weird. Husband first.. Kids second UNLESS newborn?!?!





haha thats hilarious.





Okay I believe that kids come first , first and foremost, because kids urge for your attention and your helping hands to learn things and they need you most. Also do kids cheat?!? no. haha you WILL always be their mother or their father no matter what happens in life..





However, i hate divorce, but it happens a lot so what guarantees you that that man or woman will stay forever. My mom always put me first and then when my dad left to be with his other woman, i was still there obviously.





So.. as much as id hate to say it, spouses although they shouldnt, to many they come and go. Kids will always be your kids no matter what happens. you get angry. everything goes back to normal. i can never stay mad at my mom.





But if you put a spouse before your kids thats not good.





One of my aunts left her son to be her new husband and guess what? that husband left her.. her son never forgave her.. she asked forgiveness from god because she couldnt find her son so she can ask for forgiveness.





You always put your kids first. in anything.





thats why so many kids at this time are going to drugs...look how many single mothers turn to finding a man to getting fulfilled because ';they have needs to'; and leave the raising of their kids to their friends that will lead them to bad things.





In my opinion and in the future when i decide to have kids. They will come first no MATTER what. I have already told my boyfriend that too. :] hes glad that i feel that way.





if he loves you he will understand that its the kids that come first.
My children come first as in if they need something, I will be there for them. But I never put my husband on the back burner. We have An alone night atleast 2x a month so that he knows that he is still just as importnant. But at the end of the day if I had to choose one, I would pick my kids.
spouse..marriage lasts longer (well...it should) than child rearing days. You are committed to your spouse for life. However in cases of abuse or neglect, children come first. You should never side with your spouse if a child is telling you that he/she abused them.
I say the MARRIAGE comes first then the child. The children will greatly benefit if the marriage is healthy but too often, people put the children first then he marriage suffers then the children suffer.
spouse-if not long after the children are grown you will then find your marriage lacking.
It should be equal in my opinion. But in my situation my kids will always be first.
Children should come first. Any spouse can be replaced.
for me and my family our children come FIRST but we have a way to make their plans all about us as well it is strange but it works for us