Thursday, December 31, 2009

How long should a person grieve for their spouse after they have pass away?

If they has been decsead for only 3 mnth's. And they were married for 32 years ???How long should a person grieve for their spouse after they have pass away?
Grieving is for life. Though the greatest deal of grief is at the onset the throes of grief can/may lessen over time.





My father grieved fiercely after my mother's sudden passing 1 month shy of their 26 anniversary. I actually began worrying about his state of mind and whether he was considering suicide (he all but said he was).





At Valentine's Day, 3 months later, he went to the cemetary to visit mom... He then remembered that they had agreed with one another that if something should happen that the survivor should move on and enjoy their days on earth and the rest of their life...





Not ready, but also not knowing what dating was like 2 1/2 decades later, my father signed onto Match.com...





He came across a woman who was ';him with t*ts'; (as I said). He contacted her not wanting to lose the opportunity. He still grieved for my mother, and this woman respected and expected that from ALL of us. She was perfect for him. No other person in this world (not even MY mother) was a better match.





Unfortunately, 2 weeks before my father was to propose... She was killed in a motorcycle accident. Now all of us are in the throes of grief once more, but at least this time my father is willing to open his eyes, see what is out there and experience what little life none of us can take for granted...





So, no amount of time is too much or too little, and even if the survivor moves on doesn't mean they don't and won't still grieve for their lifetime.How long should a person grieve for their spouse after they have pass away?
It depends on how this person has died. When your spouse has been fighting a long illness and you knew it was a matter of time before death takes them away then some grieving has already been done and after the actual death of the spouse the person may have a shorter emotional recovery. If the person dies by an accident and it's completely unexpected it may take years before the person finds some kind of closure.
I lost my husband we were together for 9 yrs married 5 it doesn't matter how long if you were truly in love then it hurts no matter what. It has been 4 yrs this year for me and im now remarried. But there is not a day goes by that i dont think of him or sit and cry because i miss him and love him . I really grieved hard for about a yr and a half from crying screaming yelling not talking to depression to anxiexty and then to blaming myself it takes time and when there are kids like my situation it is even harder because you cant put it in the back of your mind you have to share with them who he was and where they come from.
When someone in your life dies; you will always grieve.





People who have never lost a spouse can only imagine and pretend to know what it would be like. But they don't know.





Cliche statements like ';time heals all wounds'; and ';it will get easier with time'; is a bunch of bullsh!t. You just learn to live with the pain. Much like an amputation. Will time really heal the fact that someone lost their legs? NO. But that person will learn to live without those legs.
Only the person grieving can answer that question. My husband's uncle was married for 50 years and was dating about a month after his wife died. He was remarried within a year. I was shocked but my husband reminded me that we don't know what type of an agreement they had before she died. His other uncle (different sides of the family) met his future wife when they were both at the cancer unit with their spouses. Uncle Tom married his wife 6 months after my husband's aunt died. It is until death do you part. Some people take it literally.
believe me.....


there is no set time for grieving over your spouse...... everyone grieves in their own time and in their own way......


regardless of how long it has been.... there will always be a time come about... that moment... when it will hit you like a ton of bricks again......


you learn to continue on with life... and the saying it gets easier is not true...... it never gets easier.... you just learn to handle and deal with it...... there will be good days and there will be bad days..... in the beginning there are way more bad days than good days..... over time the good days will begin to out weigh the bad days.......... but there will always be bad days no mater how long it has been............ at times they may want to just give up themselves.... that is a normal feeling.....





i lost my husband of 26yrs in june of 2005..... at times i have moments with the flood gates open and it just rushes all over me like it did the day i lost my husband.... i was totally unprepared..... my husband was a security officer and was shot while on duty and died immediately.... no chance to say the last goodbyes...





this is something that cannot be pushed or rushed through...... it is a process that everyone goes through in their own way, in their own time... there is no right or wrong way for a spouse to grieve.....





there are several good books on losing a spouse that may help......





finding your way after your spouse dies..... by, marta felber


and


i wasn't ready to say goodbye.... by brook noel %26amp; pamela blair





the main thing is for the family and friends to be there for support and not judge the widow/widower..... no matter how long it has been since the loss.....
I think we need to have a broad definition of the word ';grieve';. If you mean sit in the dark sobbing, or not date anyone else, or what?





Different people grieve in different ways. Some withdraw. Some do their best to carry on with life as normally as possible to stay sane. It may APPEAR to you and I that they don't care, but more than likely they do. It's a coping mechanism.





If you mean until they date again, I would stab that 3 months is short after 32 years, but it's not really my decision to make.
There is no time limit. Some people take a very long time. I wonder about people that don't seem to grieve.
Maybe a year? I think I would still 'feel' married for awhile.


**Although my sis-in-law says men marry faster than women.





ADD: sorry, I mis-read the question :(
It depends on the marriage and if it was sudden or not.
it all depends on that person and when they are ready.
no time limit,,everyone is different
No way to answer.

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