Saturday, January 9, 2010

Would you have a parent live with you and spouse?

We are thinking of buying a home with an attached granny unit for my 73 year old father. Its a great house, but we are worried about sharing our space after so many years of just me and my husband. We are in our 40's with no kids. I want to care for my dad, but we are worried about the impact on our otherwise peaceful life. What to do?Would you have a parent live with you and spouse?
I know it is scary - set some rules and bounderies. You will always have your 'bedroom' as a sanctuary to be alone.


You father will appreciate it - I'm sure he feels lonely and would not be as happy is you just placed him in a home :(





He probably felt the same way when they decided to have kids (you). Giving up there free time and sharing it with the kids. It's payback time and you should do it.Would you have a parent live with you and spouse?
Give it a try and try to put yourself in his position. ? Sharing a little space might also bring you closer to your Dad and enjoy his company and wisdom. You will have this memory for the rest of your life. If it becomes an issue then deal with it as it comes up. You do have control of your space and I am sure he will respect it. Yes there will be some impact but did your parents not have impact when they raised you? Time to give back.
Depends what sort of guy your Dad is, is he laid back easy to get along with.





At least being in a granny flat he wont be in your house all the time.





If it was my Mother that wanted to live with me it would be NO WAY but that is a whole other story, I love my Mum but she has her issues ans would be IMPOSSIBLE to live with, I think a Dad would be better than a Mum as they dont get as invloved in things and men tend to like their space and priviacy
My husband is serving in Iraq right now, and when he gets home, we are finally having our dream house house built for us and our 3 kids. We are moving his parents up with us from New Jersey. They are in a tough spot and need help and wed love to help. Its family. Family is very important. Should be there for each other. Help out your father, i mean.. hes your dad. He was there for you, now its your turn to be there for him. :-) Well thats just how it goes right? But anyway, everything will be just fine. Best of Luck to you!! You and your father take care.
ideally you'll be able to take your dad in. but it depends on the kind of person your dad is. some people are very dominant and meddlesome. others are mellow; they know their role and they know how to get along with others. so no one on y/a can answer this question for u. only u and your husband can. if you decide no and your dad is not able to care for himself then a home for the aged would be a good idea.
Not the best idea. Then again, I could see the potential in it working if the parent has separate living quarters. And if set boundaries are made extremely clear from the word ';go';.


My mother (and 17 y/o sister, at the time) lived with us for about 6 months. We were in a 3 bed/2 bth house though. It seemed confining and too small for ALL of us. Never a good idea for 2 strong-willed women who are both used to running their own households to dwell under the same roof.


Love my mom though! Just waaaay too old to live with her! =o)





Good Luck with your situation. I hope it works out for all involved!
Unfortunately both my parents have died but if either 1 of them was still alive yes i would because they would be both in their 70's and i would worry about them living alone at such an old age...





They raised me and it would be only right to be there for them and take care of them if they needed me just like they did when i was a kid.
I would do it for my mom, but not my dad......for my father-in-law, but not my mother-in-law. Simply because of the kind of people they are. It's the right thing to do for your parents if they need you and it's a very selfless act. Your life is going to be different and it's not going to be easy.......but it won't be forever and in the long run you will be glad you did it.
It is a big commitment to have another adult live with you - I could have my mother %26amp; my mother in law come live with us but my father in law would cause too much disruption. I guess it comes down to how much he can do for himself and how much he will be relying on you.
your husband MUST be ALL for it to make it work. and you have to remember who comes first , you and your husband. your life can't revolve your dad.


my mil lives with us, and ';we'; can't do anything unless mother can do without our presents for an hour or two. big decision, talk it out.
he wont be around forever,think of how you will feel after hes gone,think of what he has given up for you also.this would not be a question for me,if he needs you,and wants too,it shouldnt be a thought
IT ALWAYS STRIKES ME HOW SELFISH WE'D BECOME IN THIS COUNTRY REGARDING OUR ELDERS. IF YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF YOUR DAD THEN AS A LOVING DAUGHTER DO IT. BY HIM LIVING IN THE GRANNY UNIT YOU WILL AND YOUR HUBBY WILL BE ABLE TO KEEP YOUR PRIVACY AND YOU'LL GET TO SPEND SOME QUALITY TIME W/YOUR DAD. GOOD LUCK
You didn't mention if you all get along. You have to decide on thoughtful, realistic rules and rituals you all can live with for the long term.





It could work out fine for the right people, or disastrous for the wrong ones...which are you?
Take care of your ';dad';, it might be inconvenient, but you won't regret it!


I wish I could take care of my MOM again! But she's now gone, and I have no regrets!


Old people are full of wisdom and knowledge! use his to your advantage!
Yes. Family is so important. I have no family left so its very lonely to not have them around.

No comments:

Post a Comment