How to deal with spouse with baby crying?

I'm not sure how to help my husband. I get upset when he gets upset when our son cries after putting him to bed. Our son has always been very fussy-had colic at birth, was super fussy when teething/or has gas. We've tried everything, and end up with not so much sleep. (He's 18months) I just really want to know what to do because anytime our son cries, my husband gets stressed and sometimes mad. Not violent. Then I get upset with him, and it's really pulling us apart. He tells me a lot of it is working 50-60hrs a week so I can stay home with our son, yet I also work a few days a week as well to help out. The thing is, I need a break here and there.I dont' like my husband to be stressed, because our son will keep crying when he is. So I always end up getting him and taking over. It stresses me out that I have to do this. I don't want this to ruin our relationship, but I feel he is letting it. We don't have fam around,not many friends.I am clueless what to do to help my husband.How to deal with spouse with baby crying?
I am going through the same thing only my daughter is 4 yrs old. My husband cant stand for her to whine or cry about things, she is very sensitive. When she cries he wants her to stop immediately. He doesnt get violent or anything, it just stresses him too. I just have to talk to him and say it is ok for her to cry let her be and she will stop on her own. I tell him to go outside for a minute or something. Im like you I have to take over too. My husband has just had to see that letting her cry a little doesnt hurt and in the end it is better than trying to get her to stop before she is ready to. He has gotten better over the years, it just takes time. It put a strain on our relationship too but it has gotten better. Just talk to your husband about it and let him see that it is ok for him to cry and then with time it will get better. Good Luck!!How to deal with spouse with baby crying?
Babies are tough. This will probably get better as your son gets older and can communicate with more than just screaming. Some people just aren't equipped to deal with the stress of a baby, and you can't force it on someone. Explain to your husband what all the stress HE causes you is doing, and that he needs to cut you a little slack. Everyone needs to pull their weight.
You know, the way I see it, being a mother IS the hardest job on earth. Being that you both know how difficult your son can be at times (mine being the exact same way) you would think that your husband would want to take some of the stress off of you. My hubby was the same way until I flat out told him that he needed to help because I was near the end of my wits. I also let him see what a day with our son was like. Meaning I let him try and control our son and just sat back and said to myself, I need a break and it's time he started looking after him so he knows what I go through in a day. Now, things are so much better in terms of my hubby helping to look after our son. When my hubby gets home, he immediately takes over and tries to give me a break. Maybe you need to let your hubby see what you go through in a day to realize that you don't have it so easy and maybe he too will want to give you a much needed break.
I work full time and I'm on baby duty 100% of the time that baby isn't in daycare (8 hours a day m-f).





So, ya, I understand about needing a break...If your husband hasn't come around and gotten on board after 18 months...I really don't know that he's going to if things continue as they have been ...





My husband used to get frustrated too...it lasted about two months before he stopped getting pissy after the baby got fussy...





That of course was after I told him that we HAD a baby...so he could no longer BE THE BABY...





And hello, wake up call folks...kids cry...it's part of the package. Did he not get the memo on that detail? Did he not notice at the hospital nursery?





Yes its frustrating...but that's life...and I think you both have to realize that getting frustrated and getting mad doesn't fix anything...it jsut makes things worse.





Address it at the time that it happens without any anger on your side.





When he gets like that ...have you ever just asked him...';I know it's frustrating...imagine how I feel...do you think getting mad is making it easier?';





The baby can feel your moods...if you get aggitated...he'll get aggitated...so getting pissy..only makes your situation worse.





Get your husband some parenting books...here's a good one





http://www.howtobehave.com/





It's a little early for the baby ...but the concept will be good training for the daddy.
The first thing I would do is work on a consistent bed time routine. My son cried everynight when we put him down. After 8 months, my husband finally agreed a routine was best. I started with a 45 minute routine of bath (sometimes), then while changing him for bed, I would put on various soft music CD's. Then I would let him play with some quiet toys in his room for maybe 5 minutes. We would look at 3 books and then i would rock him for 5-10 minutes. When he seemed settled but not asleep, i would put him in the crib say good night and leave. Initially he would cry, but after some time the crying stopped and I gradually took each element away until it takes about 5 minutes to get him to bed. My husband even has his own little thing he does with my son. If crying bothers both of you, then go outside or on another part of the house, check on him every 15 minutes, just by listening. My son is a smarty pants, and when he hears the floor creek near his room, he would stop crying to see if we were coming in.


I understand your son was collically when he was little, but he is overthat now. He is primarily crying because he is getting rewarded for that behavior. Comforting him everytime he cries at night, will only increase his crying. If something is truely wrong there will be a distinctive cry.


Do not respond to every little cry. If he isn't hurt, hungary or really wet, he is crying to get attention.


To help your husband, try helping him find a fun activity he can do with your son. For example, my husband shares a bowl of ice cream with my son most nights, (not the best habit i know). He also wrestles with him, takes him outside to do chores or looks at books with him. The more positive attention your son gets from his dad, the less fussing he will do.


I know how easy it is to intervene when Daddy is the caretaker, but you are right you need your time. And think about how he would cope if you were not around all of the sudden. My husband had a lot of new perspectives as far as taking care of my son after I was in the hospital having our second son.


One of our biggest supports has been my church. I do not know about your religious beliefs, most of my friends come from there. I have had many offers to watch my sons when I need a break. Plus, my friends are more experienced moms, who have great insight into my feelings. And if nothing else it is just great to have someone listen to me.


Ensure as much as you need kid free time, ensure your husband has that as well. We have found more stuff is accomplished in a day when we take turns being the parent. Encourage your husband to go out for a beer sometime after work with a friend.








I hope these ideas help.
If it was you that was working 50-60 hours a week you would probably be complaining that you were also expected to take care of the baby. This is your life right now. Just remember life is all about ups and downs. Just enjoy your baby and be supportive of your hard working husband..at least he has a job and you're not a single mom, THAT would be really hard.
Your husband is clearly stating he doesn't want to wake up in the middle of the night. Mine didn't either. You can either sleep in your son's room or you can place your son's bed in your room. He is still young and won't wake up so sad, if he knows you are there. When he starts sleeping through the night, you can change the sleeping arrangement. Good luck!
Well, I am a mother of 3 boys. My mom passed 13 yrs ago which was the tie that binded our family. After she passed, my dad did not do anything for my kids. My fiancee is disabled and cant work, so he is ';Mr. Mom'; things get very stessful. He gets an attitude and starts saying things he dont mean. So just dealing with this now for at least 8 years, it has become a normal routine in my life. I just gather the kids and be mom, dad and grandparents all in one shot. I still love him, but our relationship teeters often. I have finally just broke down and asked my best friend for a break once every week or two. Then him and I either go out for a couple hours, or just come home and find ways to spend with eachother.
Remember, things will not always be like this, but as for right now, I suggest being the stronger person and remain calm. As wifes/mothers, no matter what, we always end up doing more. What my husband and I do is set days of the week when I get to relax, and days when he does. i.e. he does bath night Tue %26amp; Thurs., I get to rest and be away from our daughter for that time (even if I am doing dishes, atleast I cannot hear her whine :) Also, Sat morning , I sleep in, Sun. morning, he sleeps in. Try scheduling. It works for me. Good luck and stay calm. Your baby needs you to relax since your husband is struggling to right now.

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