Friday, April 30, 2010

Has anyone here had a baby to make their spouse happy and regret it?

My spouse wants a baby. I feel complete the way my life is. But I love him very much and do not want to lose him. He is an amazing step-dad to my girls and will be an amazing father (if we go that route). So my question to you is have you had a child solely for your spouse? NO ATTACKS HERE! I am just simply asking a question.Has anyone here had a baby to make their spouse happy and regret it?
I did not want any children and my husband knew this before we got married. Each year we'd discuss it to make sure nothing had changed. One year, he said that he thought maybe one would be okay for us. I thought about it for a few months, and decided that I would be willing to have one - but only if it just happened, no tests, no planning when to have sex, no disappointment each month etc. Our son turns 1 the day after our 10th anniversary. I do NOT regret it in any way, but I also in NO way did it just for my husband. My husband was 100% willing to be child-free if that is what I had decided.





If you are of an age where you could think MAYBE you'll change your mind in a few years, then tell him that, and discuss how you feel each year. If you feel you're getting too old - then sit down NOW and discuss it in full. The odds are, he loves your little girls so much and is yearning to have one between you both. Think about it, how you feel, and talk talk talk to him about it.





I've known a few who did it just to appease their spouse, usually it was the guy agreeing to it for the wife, and honestly, all but one marriage ended in divorce. Then again, most of those marriages weren't good to begin with, as they didn't talk things out - it was the wife nagging the guy to death about something until he gave in. The one marriage where it worked required them to get some help and work through things - and they came through it wonderfully.





He sounds like a good guy, and I'm sure that you'll be able to come to a decision together, even if it's a 'lets just wait for now' one that gets discussed every 6 months or whatever. Good luck :)Has anyone here had a baby to make their spouse happy and regret it?
I know two people who had a child to please their spouse. One couple is now divorced (when their son was 4) and the other couple has started divorce proceedings (their daughter is 3). Both people who had children for their spouse became deeply unhappy after the birth of the children but for different reasons. The woman who had the child for her man was highly resentful because after having the child she didn't really want, her man took a job that had him traveling away from home often. So she was stuck at home constantly, raising a new baby and her first son by herself. The other person I know is a man who had a baby to please his wife. After the baby was born, the wife decided she didn't really want to be a mother after all and she left her baby and her husband for 2 years and went to college in a different state.
Maybe his having a good relationship with your daughters have made him start craving his own baby...


I have an almost 9 year old son, I always thought he was going to be my only child, I'd never thought I'd have another. Then I met my husband and we both decided we wanted to have a baby together. Well the baby is due in a few weeks here and we are both really happy %26amp; excited about it... The problem is he is talking about having one more after this one... I'm not so sure about that. I have my boy %26amp; now my girl, I don't think I want another. I don't know, maybe I feel this way because I'm still pregnant %26amp; have all the discomforts of pregnancy fresh in my head; maybe I'll feel differently in a year or so. But, I also have no desire to try to juggle 2 young children and an older child... Who knows, by then after having a baby around, he might decide he doesn't really want another... guess we will wait %26amp; see.
don't do it. i think my husband gave me a baby because i wanted one but he didn't really. i haven't asked him outright cuz i don't really want to hear it confirmed. well my marriage is in a mess. please please don't have a kid cuz he wants one. you will resent him and possibly the kid too
Nope i have not been in your shoes. And i think that the fathers who want kids are the ones that will be the best fathers but that is just me.
I haven't been in this situation (we have both wanted all our kids), but I think you should evaluate everything, maybe a list of ';pros and cons'; (ie financials and such) with him and then decide.

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